(Week Eleven to Twelve) Raise your hopeful voice – Falling Slowly by Glen Hansard

March 22 to April 4

ROUTINE~ ON MY WAY TO MAKING NEW HABITS (27/03/2017 – 30/03/2017)

To make sure I’m continually trying to achieve my goals, I have a routine I try to follow. From March 27 to March 30, I was actually successful in doing most, if not all, the things I needed to do! It felt amazing, living the everyday life I want to have ❤️❤️❤️

A copy of my daily routine

I think the biggest pay off of following my routine is that I proved to myself that I can do it. That in turn makes me so proud of myself!

LEARNING

For my free time and during my run in the treadmill, I decided to start watching youtube videos about topics I’m very interested in. I learnt quite a bit by just watching two videos everyday and reading some articles 😍

Click here to see the videos I watched!

MET UP WITH FRIEND FROM HIGH SCHOOL (31/03/2017)

I really thought it would be awkward af but hey~ it turned out well. It was nice to just catch up and get to know each other again! But I totally didn’t think about taking a picture 😅

MADE A GUDETAMA PLUSHIE

More like “tried to” 😂

Hehehe

HOUSEHOLD!!! CELEBRATED PRINCESS’ BIRTHDAY~!

Princess wasn’t even there but we still celebrated her birthday, that’s how nice we are 🤣

With the sisters ❤

WITH THE SIBLINGS AGAIN (01/04/2017)

We watched 13 Ghosts again… it was still scary 😰😱

What I love about this film is that the fear doesn’t just come from jump scares, it’s from the genuine creepiness of the ghosts! I’m particularly scared of the eleventh ghost, The Jackal. I can’t even finish this post without putting my hand over the picture below 😵

The Jackal

We also watched this apocalyptic zombie TV series called Dead Set. It’s pretty good! And I love the story. It was about a group of people in the Big Brother show unaware of the fact that there had been an outbreak.

Dead Set

I guess it was a horror kind of day~

DAD’S BIRTHDAY!! (02/04/2017)

It was a really good day! We went to church, to Snowtown (bingsu) and then came home to cook for a little get together that night with family friends.

We kids were getting bored after an hour or two. We already watched two movies so we decided to play a Kmart rip off of bean boozled called Double Dares.

It was SOOOOOO MUCH FUN! The squid and fresh blood were disgusting. And apparently, snot was also really bad too 😥  We got the parents to play with us and it just made things more fun 😂

After we played Double Dares, we moved on to playing this voice activated game called “Eighth Note”. The small thingy will walk, jump and kinda fly depending on your voice.

Eighth Note – level 2

It was hilarious to play! I wish I took a video of me playing it, it’s just not fun when it’s a story being told rather than watched. But with how well some sounds were coming out of my mouth, I thought if I just took voice lessons I could be a more than decent singer 😜

STARTED MY ONSITE 🙃  (04/04/2017)

I got lost in the new law building in uni, what’s worst is that the onsite wasn’t even held there. It was in Sky City at town. So I was sooo late to my onsite. I was already unprepared for it and I was terrified of doing speaking assessments 😥  But I’m so so so blessed because I knew someone in my class! And I thought the day went pretty well actually. I was able to talk to other people well, like I wasn’t fucking nervous. It really felt like I was more confident, eloquent, and capable than I thought I was.

WALKED AROUND HAMILTON LAKE

March 7: Pick Me Up Day~

I’m getting lost in the ocean of nothingness and I need a boat to save me before I drown.

March 7, a Tuesday, my Pick Me Up day! It’s been weeks since I started feeling that I’m stuck. To be honest, I think it’s because I am spiritually dry. God has become so important in my life that without Him, I get so lost. And you know, I don’t use the word “lost” without thought. The start of 2016 saw me obsessed with Madrid by Yellowcard that has the line “Take me home, I am lost in the world”. It perfectly captured how I felt then. And so when I say that I get lost without God, I mean I go back to the second darkest part of my life… And I don’t want to.

It’s God’s will that I used “ocean” at the start of this post. It made me remember my favourite song, Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) by Hillsong. The first two lines of the first verse perfectly describe what has happened to me. Paraphrasing: God called me out upon the waters, the great unknown where feet may fail. Remembering the whole lyrics of the song, I feel hopeful. I think this is God finally giving in and helping me out even though he prefers for me to learn myself.

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise, my soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You’ve never failed and You won’t start now

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Saviour

What I love about this song is that the first two lines talks about being brought somewhere scary, where our being human can easily fail us. But after that, it talks about finding God there and being assured that no matter what, things will work out. I especially love the bridge which is sang more than five times. From being brought into this scary place, to finding God, to actually asking him for more – asking to be so faithful that we can walk on water.

God, let this song be the soundtrack of my journey. Bring me to the deepest part of the ocean and challenge me. You have proven Your faithfulness to me over and over, let me prove it to You by trusting You, by acknowledging Your greatness, and ultimately by walking on water.

To be honest, I thought this post would be about something else. But I’m feeling very blessed that God had decided to talk to me while I’m typing. What I should really take away from the last two to three weeks of anxiety, doubt and lack of direction is that I feel this way because I’ve floated away from my Saviour. It’s time to come back now.

(Week Eight) Don’t panic no not yet – Miss Missing You by Fall Out Boy

tfpday

WATCHED A MOVIE ALONE (02/03/2017)

I knew that if I watched Split at 10:40 am, I would be the only one in the cinema. Now this is so much better than watching it by myself while there are other people who can judge me. But if you think about it, it is only better by a very small percentage. Because there are still people who can judge me – i.e. the staff.

When I went to the cinema, the staff actually pointed out that I’ll be the only one there. I laughed and said “that’s great!”. This made me feel worse coz now she’s probably thinking I’m a loner. Fuck. I even put on make up and dress up nicely so whoever sees me won’t think I’m a loner (because no one who looks good is truly a loser!!) but I fucking sabotaged myself.

In the end tho I enjoyed watching it by myself. I got pass my initial reservation about being seen as a loser with no friends when the movie started. The book I’m (still!!) reading about solidarity actually helped me rationalise my fear and understand that there’s nothing wrong with being alone and comfortable.

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DID A SECTION OF MY CV (04/03/2017)

I know the fact that I still haven’t finished my CV is getting ridiculous… But man, fear is truly crippling. I’m just glad that I was able to force myself to finish another section of it. The hardest actually. Now I just need to get the number of my referee and write my CV properly.

I think that what help me finally do it is my routine. Because I followed it, I felt good about myself and thought that I can do anything!

(Week Eight) Whoa, whoa, whoa – Disenchanted by MCR

March 1 to 7

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DIY! MADE A BOGLEGEL GOBLIN (02/03/2017)

I love the Korean drama Goblin and I really wanted my own goblin plushie, or at least a keychain! So I decided to make one ❤️

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The stuff I need!
Full body :)
Full body 🙂
Finished product <3
Finished product ❤

I actually did not think I needed any more felt than what I bought so I didn’t have a light pink for the goblin’s blush. I had a really bright pink and I felt that it didn’t really look good so I decided on just using thread to make the blush! I think it worked out well 🙂

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EXERCISED FOR 30 MINUTES (04/03/2017)

I know, I know. Not exactly amazing. But for someone who haven’t exercised for months and who feels that her body can’t handle working out for more than 10 minutes, I think 30 minutes is goddamn awesome! I’m very much proud of myself 🙂

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DIY! STARTED ON MAKING A WOODEN SHELF (05/03/2017)

For some reason, I was actually able to force myself to start this DIY project! I’m so happy~

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My work “station”!

It was kind hard finding the right wood to use, I had to change my design twice because I couldn’t find the wood with the size I want. After that, I measured, made marks and used the saw to cut wood. I got my dad to help me cut some tho. When I have all the wood that I need, I used the electric sander. I really hate things that vibrate so it was hard for me to actually use it.

Constructing the shelf
Constructing the shelf

Me and dad started to make the shelf but some of the wood was splitting when we put the screw. We postponed doing it til we buy the right ones to use. Although we didn’t finish, I’m happy that I actually finally started doing this!

DIY! MADE A KOBITO PEACH

Straight after my failed attempt to finish the shelf, I decided to make a Kobito! I was very worried about making this plushie because of the face. It was hard to recreate.

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Pattern

I think I did pretty good tho! I’m not sure if it’s obvious, but the pink in kobito’s face is to show its cheeks blushing. I didn’t have another shade of pink so I decided to just use thread.

Finished product :)
Finished product 🙂

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MET UP WITH A FRIEND (04/03/2017)

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Ate lunch with Kecey in Uni. I saw some other friends and had fun talking to them. Overall, a good day 🙂

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Some of the things I’ve been doing is watching educational youtube videos, and reading some pages of the body language books I borrowed.

✩~Lent~✩

LENT

lent-is-coming

VOLUNTARY AMENDMENT OF LIFE

It’s crazy how most examples in #1 apply to me. Only bad drinking habits, saying vulgar things, and useless chattering on Facebook don’t apply to me. It really made me feel like my whole life needs to be reconsidered.

So, in the category of voluntary amendment of life, I am going to give up:

  • Overeating
  • Eating between meals
  • Eating junk foods
  • Not getting up on time

And I will try to give up:

  • Gossiping
  • Surfing the web without any real need
  • Watching TV or any other media (mindlessly, just because I’m feeling lazy or I don’t like the silence)
  • Overthinking/Worrying endlessly

ACTS OF PENANCE

For AOP, I am going to say no to these temptations:

  • Eating red meat
  • Staying up pass midnight
  • Sleeping in

And I’m going to try to give up:

  • Laziness
  • Reading yaoi/BL smut

WORKS OF CHARITY

  • Read the gospel daily
  • Do my bible plans daily
  • Go to mass every week
  • Pray daily
  • Worship by singing at least one song daily
  • Pray the rosary every Friday

(Week Seven) Before we get too old – Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol

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TRIED A RECIPE FOR MY GORDON RAMSAY INSPIRED LIFE EXPERIENCE (22/02/2017)

Gordon said there are five dishes that a person should know how to cook. One of them is a great burger. I tried this recipe I found from Pinterest: Coffee-rubbed burger with Dr Pepper BBQ sauce. I added a maple candied bacon to just give it a bit of sweetness~ ❤️

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PAINTED MY NAILS (25/02/2017)

Painting my nails used to be a favourite past time but I only use cheap nail polish so it chips quite easily. This discouraged me from doing nail art for quite a while. It’s only now that I started to get into it again!

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STARTED READING ANOTHER BOOK

I’ve been wanting to read this book for a really long time so I’m glad that I saw it in the library. It’s a very good read~ very enlightening!

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WENT TO THE BEACH (26/02/2017)

My sister and her boyfriend visited! We decided to go to the beach~

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We went to Ngaranui Beach
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Raglan ❤️

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After taking a stroll by the beach, we were gonna eat in this place but it was gonna take an hour before we get our food! 😱

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A fish and chips place that looked like a “sari-sari” (variety) store in Philippines

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WENT OUT WITH A FRIEND (27/02/2017)

We left at almost 1 pm to go to the Asian store. K wanted to do this spicy noodle challenge and we were going to look for the noodles. After finding it on the first store we went to (!!!) we went to uni to eat but when we got there, there was almost no food left!! 😨  We ended up going to town and just hanging out.

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PARTICIPATED IN A “CHALLENGE”

The "spicy noodle"
The “spicy noodle”

One of the life experiences I wanted to do was join an online challenge. So I was stoked when K said she wanted to do one from youtube!

I accidentally use the other end of my chopsticks!!
I accidentally use the other end of my chopsticks!!

We actually made a video which I even edited and posted in youtube. For privacy reasons I don’t want to post it here… But it was very fun! When I first put the noodles in my mouth I already felt how spicy it was. K said it tasted good, but I just thought it tasted like chili! 😥  After two mouthful of the spicy noodles my tongue and lips were just done! I tried eating again but it just felt like torture… but I continued on and actually finished by 10 min and 56 secs~! Throughout the video I was very proud of my being Bicolana, which is a person from the province of Bicol in Philippines. People there are very good with spices 😁

Almost finished! Yaaasss~
Almost finished! Yaaasss~

We actually drank milk, coke, and water. Then ate sugar and taro cookies to elevate the pain and continue on! 🤣  I think we weren’t supposed to do that but even if I’m Bicolana, I didn’t even live there for long so I’m not full pledged 😅 .

My mini celebratory picture! P.S. that's not me in the picture!
My mini celebratory picture ❤️ P.S. that’s not me in the picture!

Ahhhh trying to hide my face is hard. I wanted to post other pics but I can’t be bothered trying to edit them ☹️

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WAS PRODUCTIVE

Whenever I want to restart something in my life, my first focus is cleaning my environment.

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I normally wouldn’t post things like this here. But I was very pleased with how productive I was. From morning til late afternoon I cleaned the house like crazy. I wish I took pictures of the amount of trash I accumulated…

(Week Seven) I tell my soul again You are Lord of all – In Control by Hillsong

February 22 to 28

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This week hasn’t been easy. Continuing on from how I felt the previous week, I was just not content with everything. It was like I was feeling lost again except I knew where I want to go but the end is just so far away and I just wanted to get there. I wanted to close my eyes and open it when I have been teleported to where I wanted.

I was just feeling empty, down, lifeless, bored, and anxious. When I looked into myself to see what it was all about, I realised that I was just really having a hard time with accepting that small progress is still progress, that hard work over a long period of time is required for most of my goals, and perhaps the biggest reason of all is that I was complacent in my relationship with God.

I’m writing this on a Sunday, so the 5th day of Week 7. It’s been 5 days but the only thing I’ve done that I think I could put in the blog is the burger I made, as well as going to the beach and the park with my parents, sister and my sister’s boyfriend. I can probably add reading a book there but I’m just on Chapter 3. As for my fear project, I can say that I let myself be vulnerable in my household meeting with SFC and I did one section in my CV.

Before, this would have been enough. Small progress is good progress. I thought I believed that. But when I listed all the things I’ve done in more than forty days, I realised that I haven’t really done much. I could do SO.MUCH.BETTER. This made me anxious, sick to my stomach and defeated.

I know. I really know that small progress is still progress. And that I can’t always have a crazy ass, exciting, adventurous day everyday. But this isn’t what I wanted. I wanted to feel that I was living everyday as if it was the last. It wasn’t about amazing YOLO experiences. It was about doing something everyday whatever it was that would make me happy to the point that I can die that day and it would be okay.

So, things have to change. I don’t know how. I truly don’t. But I have FUCKING ONE YEAR TO LIVE. ONE. I will not let it go to waste. God is with me. NOTHING CAN BE AGAINST ME. I will get through this by trusting and depending on Him. This will end in victory, I am claiming it.