I’m getting lost in the ocean of nothingness and I need a boat to save me before I drown.
March 7, a Tuesday, my Pick Me Up day! It’s been weeks since I started feeling that I’m stuck. To be honest, I think it’s because I am spiritually dry. God has become so important in my life that without Him, I get so lost. And you know, I don’t use the word “lost” without thought. The start of 2016 saw me obsessed with Madrid by Yellowcard that has the line “Take me home, I am lost in the world”. It perfectly captured how I felt then. And so when I say that I get lost without God, I mean I go back to the second darkest part of my life… And I don’t want to.
It’s God’s will that I used “ocean” at the start of this post. It made me remember my favourite song, Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) by Hillsong. The first two lines of the first verse perfectly describe what has happened to me. Paraphrasing: God called me out upon the waters, the great unknown where feet may fail. Remembering the whole lyrics of the song, I feel hopeful. I think this is God finally giving in and helping me out even though he prefers for me to learn myself.
You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand
And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise, my soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine
Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You’ve never failed and You won’t start now
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Saviour
What I love about this song is that the first two lines talks about being brought somewhere scary, where our being human can easily fail us. But after that, it talks about finding God there and being assured that no matter what, things will work out. I especially love the bridge which is sang more than five times. From being brought into this scary place, to finding God, to actually asking him for more – asking to be so faithful that we can walk on water.
God, let this song be the soundtrack of my journey. Bring me to the deepest part of the ocean and challenge me. You have proven Your faithfulness to me over and over, let me prove it to You by trusting You, by acknowledging Your greatness, and ultimately by walking on water.
To be honest, I thought this post would be about something else. But I’m feeling very blessed that God had decided to talk to me while I’m typing. What I should really take away from the last two to three weeks of anxiety, doubt and lack of direction is that I feel this way because I’ve floated away from my Saviour. It’s time to come back now.