(Week Eleven to Twelve) Raise your hopeful voice – Falling Slowly by Glen Hansard

March 22 to April 4

ROUTINE~ ON MY WAY TO MAKING NEW HABITS (27/03/2017 – 30/03/2017)

To make sure I’m continually trying to achieve my goals, I have a routine I try to follow. From March 27 to March 30, I was actually successful in doing most, if not all, the things I needed to do! It felt amazing, living the everyday life I want to have ❤️❤️❤️

A copy of my daily routine

I think the biggest pay off of following my routine is that I proved to myself that I can do it. That in turn makes me so proud of myself!

LEARNING

For my free time and during my run in the treadmill, I decided to start watching youtube videos about topics I’m very interested in. I learnt quite a bit by just watching two videos everyday and reading some articles 😍

Click here to see the videos I watched!

MET UP WITH FRIEND FROM HIGH SCHOOL (31/03/2017)

I really thought it would be awkward af but hey~ it turned out well. It was nice to just catch up and get to know each other again! But I totally didn’t think about taking a picture 😅

MADE A GUDETAMA PLUSHIE

More like “tried to” 😂

Hehehe

HOUSEHOLD!!! CELEBRATED PRINCESS’ BIRTHDAY~!

Princess wasn’t even there but we still celebrated her birthday, that’s how nice we are 🤣

With the sisters ❤

WITH THE SIBLINGS AGAIN (01/04/2017)

We watched 13 Ghosts again… it was still scary 😰😱

What I love about this film is that the fear doesn’t just come from jump scares, it’s from the genuine creepiness of the ghosts! I’m particularly scared of the eleventh ghost, The Jackal. I can’t even finish this post without putting my hand over the picture below 😵

The Jackal

We also watched this apocalyptic zombie TV series called Dead Set. It’s pretty good! And I love the story. It was about a group of people in the Big Brother show unaware of the fact that there had been an outbreak.

Dead Set

I guess it was a horror kind of day~

DAD’S BIRTHDAY!! (02/04/2017)

It was a really good day! We went to church, to Snowtown (bingsu) and then came home to cook for a little get together that night with family friends.

We kids were getting bored after an hour or two. We already watched two movies so we decided to play a Kmart rip off of bean boozled called Double Dares.

It was SOOOOOO MUCH FUN! The squid and fresh blood were disgusting. And apparently, snot was also really bad too 😥  We got the parents to play with us and it just made things more fun 😂

After we played Double Dares, we moved on to playing this voice activated game called “Eighth Note”. The small thingy will walk, jump and kinda fly depending on your voice.

Eighth Note – level 2

It was hilarious to play! I wish I took a video of me playing it, it’s just not fun when it’s a story being told rather than watched. But with how well some sounds were coming out of my mouth, I thought if I just took voice lessons I could be a more than decent singer 😜

STARTED MY ONSITE 🙃  (04/04/2017)

I got lost in the new law building in uni, what’s worst is that the onsite wasn’t even held there. It was in Sky City at town. So I was sooo late to my onsite. I was already unprepared for it and I was terrified of doing speaking assessments 😥  But I’m so so so blessed because I knew someone in my class! And I thought the day went pretty well actually. I was able to talk to other people well, like I wasn’t fucking nervous. It really felt like I was more confident, eloquent, and capable than I thought I was.

WALKED AROUND HAMILTON LAKE

(Week Eleven to Twelve) And it’s kind of difficult – You by Haris

March 22 to April 4

CONTACTED COLLEGE OF LAW FOR RESIT (27/03/2017)

CONTACTED UNIVERSITY TO ASK ABOUT MY ACADEMIC RECORD

CHECKED AVAILABLE JOBS FOR LAW

SENT CV TO SOMEONE FOR A JOB (28/03/2017)

WORKED ON MY CV

CHECK COLLEGE OF LAW’S REPLY

CHECKED MY FINANCES (29/03/2017)

WORKED ON MY COVER LETTER (30/03/2017)

WENT TO COURT BY MYSELF (31/03/2017)

PREPARED FOR MY COLLEGE OF LAW ONSITE

CHECKED RESPONSE TO SENT CV

WENT TO MY PROFS ONSITE (04/04/2017)

ACTED LIKE A LAWYER IN FRONT OF MANY PEOPLE WITHOUT PREPARATION (04/04/2017)

We did some practical stuff for profs. Most required talking out loud, acting like a lawyer, and not having time to prepare for anything at all.

TALKED TO STRANGERS IN MY ONSITE

Most of the things I’ve done these two weeks that I’m scared of are the consequence of me overcome one major fear – accepting adulthood. I really want to write a post about what I’m scared of, why I’m scared, and how I got over it. Hopefully by week 13~!

(Week Ten) Which way now – Madrid by Yellowcard

March 15 to 21

I don’t know what to write actually. I haven’t been doing much to be honest. But at the same time, I know I am. It’s like I haven’t been living with structure but I have done things in between that I think I should put in this blog. But I feel like I need to regroup myself… properly. I need to remember what I’m doing this for, and I need to find the strength and determination to face my fears. I knew this big of a change will come and I didn’t prepare for it. I feel disappointed but I’m trying to comfort myself by reminding me that this is a BIG change in my life. And I’ve never been one to take beginnings and endings well. And truly, what I should be constantly reminding myself is to have faith and trust in God. That means no unnecessary worrying. Instead, I should prepare myself for what he has planned for me.

(Week Nine) End these wretched days in bliss – The Touch by Cathy Davey

March 8 to 14

Worth it? Yes. I did really well in terms of living healthily, I feel good about my volunteer, and I’m ecstatic to finally finish my CV! I do feel sad about my fight with mom, but it will be okay, I know that.


I did a lot of little chores today and was feeling very accomplished by 4pm~ Then this silly little thought came over me: “it’s not enough”. It was hard to stop it but I just had to continuously remind myself that I have to do it slow so I can sustain this change. Things take time.


I was still awake by 12 am and I was craving bacon SOOOO BAD! What’s worse is that my neck really hurt 😦 I ignored it and still pushed myself to exercise so it got worse… On the plus side though, at least I actually lost a kg!!! I couldn’t believe it 😁


I took a break from my routine! My neck was ok for a bit but I got comfortable so quick that I got hurt again 😦 I spent the day in bed because I was in pain… I only got up because I knew I had to clean the house for the HH!


I’m really happy that I went to the choir practise. It was something I was scared of doing and in the end I had a great time 🙂


A very lazy and quite unproductive day. Which was what I wanted because Tuesday is when I finally have to start applying for jobs.

March 7: Pick Me Up Day~

I’m getting lost in the ocean of nothingness and I need a boat to save me before I drown.

March 7, a Tuesday, my Pick Me Up day! It’s been weeks since I started feeling that I’m stuck. To be honest, I think it’s because I am spiritually dry. God has become so important in my life that without Him, I get so lost. And you know, I don’t use the word “lost” without thought. The start of 2016 saw me obsessed with Madrid by Yellowcard that has the line “Take me home, I am lost in the world”. It perfectly captured how I felt then. And so when I say that I get lost without God, I mean I go back to the second darkest part of my life… And I don’t want to.

It’s God’s will that I used “ocean” at the start of this post. It made me remember my favourite song, Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) by Hillsong. The first two lines of the first verse perfectly describe what has happened to me. Paraphrasing: God called me out upon the waters, the great unknown where feet may fail. Remembering the whole lyrics of the song, I feel hopeful. I think this is God finally giving in and helping me out even though he prefers for me to learn myself.

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise, my soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You’ve never failed and You won’t start now

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Saviour

What I love about this song is that the first two lines talks about being brought somewhere scary, where our being human can easily fail us. But after that, it talks about finding God there and being assured that no matter what, things will work out. I especially love the bridge which is sang more than five times. From being brought into this scary place, to finding God, to actually asking him for more – asking to be so faithful that we can walk on water.

God, let this song be the soundtrack of my journey. Bring me to the deepest part of the ocean and challenge me. You have proven Your faithfulness to me over and over, let me prove it to You by trusting You, by acknowledging Your greatness, and ultimately by walking on water.

To be honest, I thought this post would be about something else. But I’m feeling very blessed that God had decided to talk to me while I’m typing. What I should really take away from the last two to three weeks of anxiety, doubt and lack of direction is that I feel this way because I’ve floated away from my Saviour. It’s time to come back now.

(Week Eight) Don’t panic no not yet – Miss Missing You by Fall Out Boy

tfpday

WATCHED A MOVIE ALONE (02/03/2017)

I knew that if I watched Split at 10:40 am, I would be the only one in the cinema. Now this is so much better than watching it by myself while there are other people who can judge me. But if you think about it, it is only better by a very small percentage. Because there are still people who can judge me – i.e. the staff.

When I went to the cinema, the staff actually pointed out that I’ll be the only one there. I laughed and said “that’s great!”. This made me feel worse coz now she’s probably thinking I’m a loner. Fuck. I even put on make up and dress up nicely so whoever sees me won’t think I’m a loner (because no one who looks good is truly a loser!!) but I fucking sabotaged myself.

In the end tho I enjoyed watching it by myself. I got pass my initial reservation about being seen as a loser with no friends when the movie started. The book I’m (still!!) reading about solidarity actually helped me rationalise my fear and understand that there’s nothing wrong with being alone and comfortable.

tfpdayf

DID A SECTION OF MY CV (04/03/2017)

I know the fact that I still haven’t finished my CV is getting ridiculous… But man, fear is truly crippling. I’m just glad that I was able to force myself to finish another section of it. The hardest actually. Now I just need to get the number of my referee and write my CV properly.

I think that what help me finally do it is my routine. Because I followed it, I felt good about myself and thought that I can do anything!

(Week Eight) Whoa, whoa, whoa – Disenchanted by MCR

March 1 to 7

tdpday

DIY! MADE A BOGLEGEL GOBLIN (02/03/2017)

I love the Korean drama Goblin and I really wanted my own goblin plushie, or at least a keychain! So I decided to make one ❤️

wp-1488420111335.jpg
The stuff I need!
Full body :)
Full body 🙂
Finished product <3
Finished product ❤

I actually did not think I needed any more felt than what I bought so I didn’t have a light pink for the goblin’s blush. I had a really bright pink and I felt that it didn’t really look good so I decided on just using thread to make the blush! I think it worked out well 🙂

tdpday1

EXERCISED FOR 30 MINUTES (04/03/2017)

I know, I know. Not exactly amazing. But for someone who haven’t exercised for months and who feels that her body can’t handle working out for more than 10 minutes, I think 30 minutes is goddamn awesome! I’m very much proud of myself 🙂

tdpday3

DIY! STARTED ON MAKING A WOODEN SHELF (05/03/2017)

For some reason, I was actually able to force myself to start this DIY project! I’m so happy~

wp-1488780373369.jpg
My work “station”!

It was kind hard finding the right wood to use, I had to change my design twice because I couldn’t find the wood with the size I want. After that, I measured, made marks and used the saw to cut wood. I got my dad to help me cut some tho. When I have all the wood that I need, I used the electric sander. I really hate things that vibrate so it was hard for me to actually use it.

Constructing the shelf
Constructing the shelf

Me and dad started to make the shelf but some of the wood was splitting when we put the screw. We postponed doing it til we buy the right ones to use. Although we didn’t finish, I’m happy that I actually finally started doing this!

DIY! MADE A KOBITO PEACH

Straight after my failed attempt to finish the shelf, I decided to make a Kobito! I was very worried about making this plushie because of the face. It was hard to recreate.

wp-1488780249388.jpg
Pattern

I think I did pretty good tho! I’m not sure if it’s obvious, but the pink in kobito’s face is to show its cheeks blushing. I didn’t have another shade of pink so I decided to just use thread.

Finished product :)
Finished product 🙂

tdpdayr

MET UP WITH A FRIEND (04/03/2017)

wp-1488780460607.jpg

Ate lunch with Kecey in Uni. I saw some other friends and had fun talking to them. Overall, a good day 🙂

tdpday4

Some of the things I’ve been doing is watching educational youtube videos, and reading some pages of the body language books I borrowed.